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The Definitive Guide To Employment Misery Within The RCMP*

Dec 25

It seems that with extra time on my hands over the Christmas break, I would rather turn to writing than other endeavours.  I am writing this little offering to all those members of the RCMP who have been caught in its’ dysfunction, have been mistreated, complain vociferously, perhaps have even responded to their situation by becoming ill, yet feel powerless to do anything about it.  One of my favourite Russian authors (often regarded as a “natural psychologist”) Fyodor Mihailovich Dostoyevsky wrote of this (and for the life of me I can’t recall where ?) when he described how “man” could be submerged in well being, with every luxury and still out of ingratitude and sheer devilment he will imperil his comfort by creating some “deleterious rubbish”, “some improvident trash” for the sole purpose of destroying his happiness and giving himself something to worry and complain about.

I thought, (with tongue-in-cheek of course)** that it was an opportune time over the Christmas break, when the family has Dad/Mom, the RCMP member, at home and would like to engage him/her in some fun but can’t seem to; as Dad/Mom is content to sit and obsess about how he/she has been mistreated by the Force.  My goal is to clear up the myth once and for all that happiness, satisfaction, and contentment are objectives that some RCMP Members pursue.  The idea that it is an attainable goal is completely absurd when you consider that St. Augustin counted 289 different definitions of “happiness”.  What are those members pursuing?  Don’t kid yourself: some RCMP members would be lost without their misery and the opportunity to “bitch” about a dysfunctional organization run by a crew of megalomaniacs.

Take a trip to Chapters, the book store, you will see an entire rack devoted to “how to” offerings focused on the pursuit of happiness.  It’s time that the flip-side of the coin was represented, that is, the pursuit of unhappiness (yes, believe it or not, you can make yourself even more miserable than you have been).  I’d like to devote the remainder of this little piece to the coaching of those RCMP members who seem to prefer misery over happiness; as I said earlier, you can always make yourself even more miserable than you have so far.

Consider this:  have you ever been to the zoo?  How about the circus?  If you’ve been to either, you may have seen my favourite animal; the Siberian Tiger.  This magnificent beast in the wild, is one of the world’s deadliest predators; a muscle packed powerhouse that strikes its prey with awesome force.  It’s the largest member of the cat family weighing up to 300 kilograms; nearly 70 times as much as “Boots”, over there asleep on your couch!  They can travel hundreds of kilometres over harsh winter-like terrain in search of food; and they can “pounce” over three times their own length in order to effect “the kill”.  Have you ever seen a Siberian Tiger behave in the zoo, or the circus?  Well, the methods that zoo keepers and animal trainers use to create these docile creatures of captivity, are the same ones used by RCMP executives, at NHQ and the various sub-division HQ’s, to beat your spirit down (can you remember yourself when you had a “fire in your belly”?).  The road to this goal of complete dependence on the “outfit” requires among other things, the planned and systematic education (“brainwashing”?) of members toward greater and greater personal and social incompetence.  It should be no surprise that increasingly astronomical amounts of money are spent on “the brand”, “public relations”, “media blitz’s” etc. etc.  To assist you in defending yourself against this sophisticated attempt to influence you into a dependent coma, this article attempts to offer a concerned wake-up call.  Your employer is in dire need of your ever increasing helplessness and unhappiness.  Just like in other walks of life we learn that anyone can be unhappy; but to truly make oneself unhappy is a skill that needs special attention and intense training that begins with deep learning; some life experience with a handful of disappointments, and tragedies just won’t do.

Training and/or useful information is rare, even in the circles I travel in.  If you are serious about this endeavour  I can recommend (only) a couple of books off the top of my head; for the French Canadian members, Rudolphe and Luc Morisette authored “Petit Manuel de guerilla matrimonial”; Ronald Laing’s “Knots” is a good one; and finally, Dan Greenburg wrote a couple, “How to be a Jewish Mother” and “How to Make Yourself Miserable”.  These offerings will assist those of you who are truly motivated to make yourselves miserable (and your families as well!) by providing considered , methodic, basic introductions based upon many, many years of clinical experience using foolproof and reliable techniques for the pursuit of deep and mind-numbing unhappiness.

I wish you all the Peace of the Season,
Dr. Mike Webster, R. Psych.

* For added assistance, refer to “Surviving the RCMP(?)” a previous post on this site on a similar theme.

** I wish to add, that I write in this paradoxical tone not to offend you or minimize your pain, but to assist you in mustering up your innate resilience.  Please never forget, you are tougher than you think!  Your life, as mine, is not to be spent waiting for storms to pass but to learn to dance in the rain.


From → RCMP

  1. You know I was a proud member and I never wanted to leave the RCMP. If I was placed in a small town with a detachment like I clearly requested, a detachment where the management cared more about the people they managed instead of paperwork and stats I would still be there. I’m a good and caring person who just wanted to help and protect people. It turns out that it was me that needed protection from RCMP (and a trainer who cared more about sucking up to the supt. so she could ensure a promotion into GIS after three years service) and once they were through with me I was the one that needed medical help. The RCMP eats their young…

  2. Anonymous One permalink

    Thank you Dr. Webster. I agree, it is so easy to get “lost” in the pain and anger. So much so, that a person can become all-consumed with it. And in the meantime we forget to LIVE. I know this much for myself, I have carefully researched and picked my battles wisely against the RCMP. However, I also put time into teaching myself to be positive, happy and I practise mindfulness (living in the here and now). If we fail to do this for ourselves, and if we do not take care of number one, then we are cheating ourselves out of that precious gift of life. And God knows if anyone has learned how precious life can be, we certainly have. Please treat yourselves with the utmost of care. Nurture the real authentic you and become familiar with the real you. I found the writings of Dr. Wayne Dyer to be very helpful in my journey to remain positive. But I think most importantly, what has helped me in overcoming much of my bitterness was finding the support of others who have been there and understand. Like on this site, for example. It is healing to be heard and acknowledged. It is healing to connect with others who understand. To know I am not alone has saved my life.

    Dr. Webster, thank you for your continued care and support. This website has been a lifesaver to many. Thank you for gently reminding us that we are worthy of more than this, and for us to continually carry that burden of anger and bitterness hurts no one but ourselves and our loved ones. I wish you all the best in the New Year and look forward to partaking in in 2015!

  3. Calvin Lawrence permalink

    When a man finds that it is his destiny to suffer, he will have to accept his destiny as his task; his single and unique task. He will have to acknowledge the fact that even in suffering he is unique and alone in the universe. No one can relieve him of his suffering or suffer in his place. His unique opportunity lies in the way in which he bears his burden.

    If suffering is avoidable, the meaningful thing to do is remove its cause, for unnecessary suffering is masochistic rather than heroic. If on the other hand, one cannot change a situation that causes his suffering he can still change his attitude.

    From: Man’s Search for meaning by Victor E. Frankl

  4. I have let slip all the trappings of suffering and servitude. In retirement I have found myself once again (after years of therapy and Medical Marijuana) I use but but one medicine and have detoxed from all the others. I have regained my sense of self. This was no easy task as I was in service from 1976 to 2012 from age 19 to age 55. So I do not see my self as a retired member, instead now I am a newly minted citizen and I will not devote another moment of my existence to thoughts or reactions to the force. They need a voice, they need a union they need to stand up as one and say ” enough”. Yet over 15,000 serving members remain mute and cowed. So I will now dedicate my life to the pursuit of joy, love and peace for those in my family who had to live with my miserable ass for those last 12 years.

  5. anonymous permalink

    I am a new reader to and a reader who is not associated in any way with any organization or corporation, governmental or otherwise. In discovering the writings by Dr. Mike Webster, I am awed by the wisdom and the wonderful subtle advice. I have been struggling with frustration and unhappiness about an activity I’ve taken on lately, putting pressure on myself and dealing with the guilt and misery of hating it but not wanting to let go. It felt too much like failure to do so. A couple of his last blog postings, particularly, spoke volumes.

    While my misery is not related to my employment, much of what is written here in the blog “The Definitive Guide to Employment Misery” is so pertinent to any situation that makes one glum. The fact is I can continue to do that which is making me feel inadequate and I’ll continue to feel miserable. Or I can change what I’m doing and find that “heat in my belly” again. Reading the list of the self-help books on being unhappy and miserable made me think that perhaps I have chosen to make myself truly unhappy.

    I knew there were gems in that blog but I did nothing except to continue to struggle with the thing that was making me miserable. Then the next day I read about the pearls in our lives. The blog entitled “A Story to Illustrate: Nothing Is As It Seems” once again reminded me that my unhappiness and the lack of the pearls in my life are the result of my own decisions. Why am I clinging to something that is making my life miserable?

    Did I not have the wisdom and the power to change this situation? Did I want to hang on to misery and unhappiness? Did I want to struggle with the guilt that came with it all? Weren’t the pearls in life worth pursuing? It was time for me to “discern between good attachments and bad ones; holding onto the former and abandoning the latter”.

    Mike’s writings made sense to me and finally after pondering his words and relating them to what I was doing, I set aside the one really big activity that was causing me to be so unhappy, my mood lifted and the guilt left me. I love this change and have the blog and Mike to thank for that.


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