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Hell of a Ride

Apr 29

It’s late and the kids are in bed, asleep and so is he. My husband is a Member and has been ODS for almost 2 and a half years now. Actually, he’s really not a Member anymore. The heart of him and the RCMP he once held there are gone. He’s a shadow of who he once was, a man waiting for what will happen next never knowing what it will be but knowing that its coming. It just keeps on coming… He is an amazing man, a wonderful  husband and father and he was a Police Officer any Force would have been proud to have on their roster.  He was highly thought of, well liked and respected, a calming and mature influence in his Detachment. Until it all went to Hell because of nothing he did. There is no reason, no explanation,  and no writing on the wall.

I know you all have your stories, your heartaches, your sadness and anger.  So much the same as mine and his and yet different too.  I read these posts and I feel and understand all you are going through and I wish I could help. Yet I can’t even help us. We hang on and we fight and we start each day thinking “maybe today will be the day that someone listens, that something changes.” and then the sun sets and the kids go to bed and he  sleeps the restless haunting sleep that only those that have been there understand. And I watch over him,  hoping that he comes through it in one piece, never the same again, never a whole piece.

What do I tell our children? It used to be ” if you’re a good person and do the right thing, everything will be OK”.  That’s not true. Many of our friends are gone, no longer able or willing to stand behind us in our fight. It’ s been a Hell of a  2 + years .  No one to tell, no one to listen. I want to shout  out all the terrible things they have done to him, me, our kids! I want to write a book , an article, a story but who would believe it? I guess I’m just feeling sorry for myself right now. But I can’t let on to him.  He needs me to be strong and I can’t let him down. He’s already been let down  and left behind by those he trusted. It”s been a Hell of a  ride.  And that’s the way it is when you’re the other half.

Thanks for listening.

The Other Half

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From → ODS, RCMP Spouse

6 Comments
  1. Anonymous permalink

    To the other half … and the family. Never give up, we are all dealing with this, some in silence, some not, but your strength will get you through this. There are groups out there that will listen, speak and give you feedback. You are not alone. You stand proud with other families who are going through the same thing. We as a group are strong. There is strength in numbers.
    Groups — Spouses of the RCMP for PTSD Support, and Families of the RCMP for PTSD Awareness, Google them. Don’t give up, stay strong~

  2. Anonymous permalink

    Dear Hell of a Ride,

    My eyes teared up after reading your post. My heart aches for you…for all of us. So many good human beings, those who love kids and love people, wanting to be a part of something that makes the world a better place. This job offers that opportunity to us and that is why I joined the force 20 years ago. My career was a very satisfying one when I had good supervisors. But as everyone knows, supervisors come and go often. Then you get the psychotic nazzi supervisors who can’t get enough of sticking it to you until you are a shell of your former self. I have personally witnessed good, decent men (who worked the front lines and were good at it), be ridiculed, mobbed and terrorized to the point they had no choice but to go off work…because they were truly sick. This behavior is so childish and reminiscent of mean kids bullying on the playground.
    I believe a man’s spirit is the last thing to break…because he knows he has to remain strong and take what is given. Why must he accept this treatment? Because his controlling, powerful employer has full control over his life, his family, his welfare and his future. Total control. There is no recourse as much as people would hope or expect there to be. I feel the frustration you speak of…you keep waiting with fingers crossed…maybe this time the RCMP will notice that we are here, looking to them to fix this! Maybe our new leader will take a stand and put a stop to this madness. Maybe he is a true leader and a man of character, ethics and integrity, humanity and humility??? Maybe, just maybe he will step up and say “Enough is enough, we obviously have to start doing something to care for our valued members who have given so much to this organization”…our “family”. But it does not come. No one is there to support us and those who were there before for us are long gone because they don’t want to ‘catch’ whatever it is that’s ‘going around’ or they’ll be next.
    Please tell your husband he is not alone. There are support groups he can be a part of if he chooses. I can tell you we have a private, confidential Facebook site with members in our situation from right across Canada. If he lives in the Lower Mainland there is a group of members who meet regularly and lend support. Stewart Robertson who regularly posts on this site is in charge of that group…bless his heart. If your husband would like to join our FB group please encourage him to do so. This group has been active for over two years and has helped it’s members immensely. For some of us, it gets us by, day by day. You and your husband are not alone. Be strong and keep up the good fight…we won’t give up until things change. Continue posting to get the word out. Many are reading and watching. We will keep putting pressure on management until they are shamed into doing the right thing. Take care

  3. Dear Other Half

    I feel your pain and wish I was able to do something to help you and your family. Unfortunately, I am in the same position. It sounds so similar to our story and others that we know that have been wronged by the Force. It is absolutely despicable how they treat their members. It does become a daily event, a cycle, where each day you wake up and think maybe there will be justice. Unfortunately, my opinion and those I’ve talked to is that NOTHING will change until the members have a Union or an Association that will protect the members from the pariah’s that roam through the halls and offices of the RCMP.

    Your spouse is so fortunate to have you stand by his side. I know all too well how challenging and exhausting it is to watch a loved one go through the anguish and torture at the hands of the RCMP and knowing that the Force will do nothing to help or change things for the better. They simply do not care about their members or the families. They want nothing more than to get their next promotion, be one of the boys and will do just about anything to achieve this.

    As difficult as this is for you please know this that you will continue to find strength for your spouse and your family. It will wear you down, your stress level will be high. What has helped me get through the days is to reach out and talk to people in the same position. This website has helped so many people so keep on writing your thoughts and feelings as often as you wish.

    Please remember you are not alone.

  4. Stewart Robertson, Chair, Lower Mainland Members Support Group permalink

    Dear Other Half,

    I post this to reach out to you and all the “Other Half’s” out there who suffer in isolation, fear and silence with the feint hope that things will go back to the way they were and if we just hope and pray, maybe things will get better tomorrow. I dislike having to burst that balloon of hope, but it will not get better and it will continue to harm you, your family and those you hold most dear until you reach out to the growing number of us member’s who have become fed up with the incompetence and mean spiritedness of some in an organization that has lost its way.

    I offer again an opportunity for you, all of you to, reach out and share your stories and unload some of the weight you and yours carry in that rucksack that weighs down your enjoyment and quality of life. You will be shocked at how not alone you are, not to mention the things in common there will be with other members and their families.

    You can contact me at “membersupport@hotmail.ca”, it is completely discrete and confidential. The LMD Member’s Support Group meets the first Tuesday of every month at the Walnut Grove Community Centre 6:00 PM if you wish to to attend, share and support members and their families.

    Hope to hear from you and any other members who are in need of support.

    Sincerely,

    Stewart Robertson
    Chair
    Lower Mainland Member’s Support Group

  5. DJ Motorcop permalink

    Please check out the Facebook page Families of the RCMP for PTSD awareness, you will find family there understanding and comfort.

  6. mixer permalink

    Dear Other Half, Second Member, My wife and I have gone through what your going through for the last 14 years. The first few years were the worst as we discovered who our real friends were in the Force…. none. We .. She pulled me through it and WE as a Family are stronger. Do not keep this pain inside it will eat you like a cancer. It’s OK you all will pull through. Yes he and you will be changed, because we all change with what Life deals us. I used to be the funny man now I seldom crack a joke except with a few real friends. You and your husband have to sit down and look at what you have YOUR KIDS. Mine are adults now and we are still very close. If you have the courage to write a BOOK, Memoire do it as a release project. It will be great therapy for both of you, You will re-live the bad and the good, and maybe this will help to let things go. File your DVA claim, that will help him knowing that someone outside believes him.

    Do not keep this bottled up trust me I’ve been there God knows why my wife has put up with me all this time. But I’m thankful that she has. Do not divide over this. Together you will stand.

    Take Care

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