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Thoughts from an RCMP Spouse

Nov 28

As a wife of a current member I have witnessed most if not all the  bullying that has gone on with being a member of the RCMP.  I’ve heard for years now not only from my husband but from others that I have become close to in the RCMP about the wrong doings within the force. What is very upsetting is that I am hearing these comments more and more frequently.

It’s the never ending saga of “the unknown” what will they do next, what’s on their agenda today, are they setting me up to push me out? I’ve done everything they have wanted me to do and more, oh yes the more, that is, the standing up for my subordinates…

That’s the more they didn’t like and for that I become a target of bullying, harassment, lost opportunity for promotion and grievance’s not being dealt with.  Let’s brush it under the carpet…pretend this person who has given 20 plus years of their life and pretend he didn’t exist. The RCMP is your first family and your blood family is second.

I’ve stood by my husband through his sleepless nights, his bouts of depression, his anger outbursts, and lack of energy, the paranoia, no longer interested in things that made him happy.  The hours that lead into days doing nothing, feeling unprotected and no gratitude and the why me comments.  He gave his life to the RCMP which without a doubt cost him his first marriage…after all how can a healthy relationship flourish when you’re never home, always being there at their beck and call. And then along with that not being there for his kids and now that they are adults and have issues feels responsible because yet he wasn’t there. Why wasn’t he there, because he was one of the elite that was needed always needed for his first family the RCMP.

I have watched my husband being one of those that was always on the go and passionate about his career to watching him each day to becoming more and more disillusioned and soon become depressed at what was happening.  He would jump out of bed at 3am when his pager went off because he was needed!! I would always question why are you doing that. I would say you’re crazy. But he loved it, he was needed and wanted to make a difference.  After all he was a proud member of the RCMP!  I let him go being truly happy for him and happy for our country that we have such devoted souls.

WHAT HAPPENED??? He spoke the truth; stood up for his people…He enjoyed the camaraderie with the men and women he worked with, but was never one to put his true moral values behind.  He stood up spoke his mind in a diplomatic professional manner and here he is…..off work because he didn’t get on board with management.  HMMM does getting on board with management not allow you to have an opinion or comment of your own?  Yes you’re right….you no longer think for yourself…..get on board with management and yes you do as you are told to do….doesn’t matter who you fuck over just do it…After all, the RCMP do no wrong…we have an image to portray… In  my opinion and most Canadians that image is being tainted daily.

I am grateful that he had the bravery to believe firstly in his own morals and not ones that would have made him one of “those”.

In my opinion he may have not  received all the promotions  that he certainly was entitled to, most of those are what the bullies get… the ones on board with management, but at least he has a strong moral conviction in what is right!

I am proud to be his wife because of the beautiful gentle soul that he is but, I am very unhappy that he had to endure years of bullying because of this…

I am so thankful that our son after attending a recruitment meeting called and said “you know mom this career isn’t for me!”.  I was so pleased to hear those words.

They took away my husband but wouldn’t have a chance to do that to my son.

Anon

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From → RCMP Spouse

9 Comments
  1. Jamieson Hanlon permalink

    Your post hit such a chord with me. It is unfortunate that the Force and the government do not look at the collective damage, direct and collateral, being caused by inaction. The only thing new about the situation are the players, the senior leaders and the government-in-power.

    You don’t speak of the toll that your husband’s Force-derived problems have on you, but it goes without saying, really, that you likely suffer directly alongside him. He is lucky to have you on his side in this fight. Thank you for being there for him – I’d guess he’ll never be able to fully express his gratitude (but you likely know). And thank you for adding your voice in this forum and speaking out about the need for change in the RCMP.

  2. John Smith permalink

    Dear Anon and wife,
    You are brave to post the truth about how your job as a supporting wife was a full time job amongst the many others you have (such as raising a child). Your words echo to every wife and partners across the country. Your husband, is like the many many in the Force today.
    Your story is identical to so many it is shocking. I assume you remained anonymous due to the fact that your good if not great husband is still in the org.

    I cannot help but feel for you as we all do. So sad to hear these stories of truth as opposed to the deceitful lies we listen to from most upper managers known to us as the (white shirts). To add to these miserable stories let me add one more. After over 30 years of the same devoted operational hours on call jump out of bed to help days. I have been refused a retirement package due to a formality (the force dares to call it policy) that I did not adhere to. Albeit, I conformed to everything they asked I did not conform to one little detail which has now prohibited me from collecting what I worked so hard for. Believe it or not my wife is so traumatized by this as she cannot believe they would do this. The force has no idea what they do to families let alone individuals. And while they do all this damage they still expect us to go out there put are “smiley faces on” and deal with the matters we have to deal with. Now, I have to do battle with the very people I admired, respected and worked with. How sad is that. And I promise you it is a simple political policy if that makes any sense I did not breach the Criminal Code of Canada or any of its statutes.

    Again, members be aware of the force’s ignorance of members long devoted service. On letters I have recieved from people who could not care about me or the members (that is evident) they have said in so many words that I should have known better and are on the edge of calling me a liar. Had I known ahead of time that this was the way I was going to be treated throughout my tenure all the way to retirement I can guarantee you I would have made a better career choice. So on that note give your son a big hug/kiss and thank him for making the right choice. As for you and your husband ensure you read the small print on the RCMP’S policies. They are not there to protect or assist their longtime members. We are barely numbers to them. Totally expendable.

    It is with so much sadness that I write these notes but I as well as everyone else on this website are desperatly trying to reach the remaining good dedicated members and let them know the RCMP is so broken they will go to all extremes to cover their own stupidity. SAD SAD SAD.

    Take care and continue being the outstanding wife that I know you are.

    John Smith (from the heart)

  3. Anonymous permalink

    My ex wife was a Member and from Depot through to Detachment postings she was harrassed, humiliated, degraded and told that, like other female Members, she was nothing more than “window dressing” for the Force.

    Your message is important and it reminds us that serving and retired Members are not the only ones who are suffering. You are not alone and I hope more spouses, partners and family members will speak out as you have.

    As a former spouse who has “been there”, thank you for your post.

  4. Shawna permalink

    Please know you are not alone!! We are out there! I too am an RCMP spouse who has had to watch her husband suffer in silence. He was diagnosised with PTSD and severe depression. He is currently ODS. He wants to go back to work badly. All he wants to do is be a Mountie 😦 Yet we have no idea what he is going back to. The punishment and harassment he faced while he was sick was disgusting. Just know there are others and we are fighting! Please support my facebook page battlingbarecanada@shaw.ca or follow me on twitter Canada @BattleBare . I have a meeting on monday with our member of parliment ( her rep lol). I am done being quiet. I will not be bullied. I am terrified I am risking my husbands job but I can not sit back and watch as he and many MANY of our friends fall. I will not let PTSD or the RCMP destroy my family or take my childrens father away!

    • Anonymous permalink

      Wow Shawna, I appreciate so much the support you give. I am sorry that you and your family are going through this. I understand as I too suffer from severe PTSD and depression. The force does not acknowledge PTSD and as you may probably already know, the RCMP got rid of their only PTSD pilot program last year. That is unbelievable and I was stunned to hear it. How can a member feel cared for and protected when their employer takes away something that is so important to our well being? The force will say “we don’t need that program because members’ peers can identify PTSD…”. What a bunch of BS!!! We members are NOT trained as to what PTSD is. I have never once heard it mentioned during training or in my service. So how could our peers possibly know what signs to look for? That is ridiculous and it angers me. It’s a slap in the face.

      I had a breakdown IN MY OFFICE in front of other members after coming from a sudden death. At that point I had 13 years of respectable service, yet no one mentioned PTSD to me. The members (and management) knew I was upset because of the death. I was never the same after that and I began coping by abusing alcohol. My life spun out of control and I got into trouble because of my alcohol abuse. But the most shocking part of this all is that after that breakdown my employer sent me right back in active duty! All they cared about was that there was an extra pair of boots in a police car…they didn’t care about me. Of course my condition worsened and here I am today…angry and bitter. So I thank you so much for taking a stand. The force will not listen to the members (because they think they own us and we have no say)…but they are forced to listen to the public. The more of you there are and the more noise you make the more they are forced to listen.

      Thanks again for all you do. I hope you share my story with your husband and let him know he is not alone.

      • Shawna permalink

        too many stories like this break my heart! I hope you have gotten some help! Please email me at battlingbarecanada@shaw.ca if you have any suggestions you want brought forward on monday. I hope you will follow my page it may help you and you may be able to add and help others
        Shawna

    • Java permalink

      Thank you Shawna for taking a stand for not only your husband but for all members. I hope your husband knows he is not alone and I hope he gets the care he needs.

      The RCMP made a huge mistake when they took away their only PTSD pilot program last year. They do not train their members on what PTSD is so how could we possibly know we suffer from it? Besides, even if we did know, do we trust our employer enough to reach out for help? Everyone knows the RCMP rules their employees by intimidation and control. We simply don’t trust them.
      So thanks again for taking a stand!

    • Heather permalink

      Wow Shawna,
      I too am a member spouse. I am so glad I found this site, because I am at the same point and mindset as you. I read these posts and have to check name cause it is like I am writing the posts. I have tried writing emails to Commissioner, lawyers, SRR, ETC. who else can you turn to, when the police whom are the ones suppose to be protecting from harm, are the ones inflicting the harm.

  5. Shawna permalink

    Thanks Java!

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